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And the Lord said, "Have you read the spec on
this order? A peace officer has to
be able to run five miles through alleys in the
dark, scale walls, enter homes the health
inspector wouldn't touch, and not wrinkle his
uniform. He has to be able to sit in an
undercover car all day on a stakeout, cover a
homicide scene that night, canvass the
neighborhood for witnesses, and testify in court
the next day. He has to be in top
physical condition at all times, running on
black coffee and half-eaten meals. And he
has to have six pairs of hands."
The angel shook her head slowly and said, "Six pairs of hands... no way."
"It's not the hands that are causing me problems,"
said the Lord, "it's the three pairs of
eyes an officer has to have."
"That's on the standard model?" asked the angel.
The Lord nodded. "One pair that sees through
a bulge in a pocket before he asks,
'May I see what's in there, sir?' (When he already
knows and wishes he'd taken that
accounting job.) Another pair here in the
side of his head for his partners' safety. And
another pair of eyes here in front that
can look reassuringly at a bleeding victim and say,
'You'll be all right ma'am, when he knows
it isn't so."
"Lord," said the angel, touching his sleeve, "rest and work on this tomorrow."
"I can't," said the Lord, "I already have a model
that can talk a 250 pound drunk into a
patrol car without incident and feed a family
of five on a civil service paycheck."
The angel circled the model of the peace officer very slowly, "Can it think?" she asked.
"You bet," said the Lord. "It can tell you
the elements of a hundred crimes; recite Miranda
warnings in its sleep; detain, investigate, search,
and arrest a gang member on the street in
less time than it takes five learned judges
to debate the legality of the stop... and still it
keeps its sense of humor. This officer
also has phenomenal personal control. He can deal
with crime scenes painted in hell, coax a confession
from a child abuser, comfort a murder
victim's family, and then read in the daily paper
how law enforcement isn't sensitive to the
rights of criminal suspects."
Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger
across the cheek of the peace officer.
"There's a leak," she pronounced. "I told
you that you were trying to put too much into
this model."
"That's not a leak," said the lord, "it's a tear."
"What's the tear for?" asked the angel.
"It's for bottled-up emotions, for fallen comrades,
for commitment to that funny piece of
cloth called the American flag, for justice AND
FOR LAST BUT NOT LEAST, OUR
FAMILIES."
"You're a genius," said the angel.
The Lord looked somber. "I didn't put it there," he said.
